Has anyone noticed just how reactionary Homeland Security is when it comes to airport screenings? Richard Reid tried the ole shoe bomb trick, and now we all have to take off our shoes for the TSA. Then in 2006 there was a plot to blow up planes with small amounts of liquid, so now we all leave our water bottles and travel sized mouthwash at the TSA table. Well our latest member of the "Religious Nutjob Club" has taken things to a new level. On Christmas Umar Farouk Abdulmatallab boarded Flight 253 from Amsterdam to Detroit with a bomb strapped to his CROTCH. That's right people, the Frank and Beans have a new neighbor, and it comes with a warning label. BING: Umar Farouk, you are now free to attempt to walk very gingerly throughout the cabin.
It's a whole new ballgame now travelers. Homeland Security is no longer just interested in your shoes. I'm opening a Victoria's Secret in the airport, because you ladies don't want the TSA agent to know that your secret is your granny panties. I'm selling fresh boxers in the Men's Room. If you see someone sweaty and jittery near the wave x-ray scanners, they are either Holy militants or wearing holie drawers. If you happen to be an out of work pervert, well Christmas isn't over yet. Update the resume, go to CareerBuilder and type in TSA Agent. You might just find a listing that says, "Seeking a qualified, hard working, goal-oriented person who is skilled in finding pentaerythritol tetranitrate in people's underbrithces." I may be able to retire early, because I believe my dog may be the world's foremost authority on crotch sniffing. If these are the new job skills of the 20-teens, no wonder the unemployment rate is at 10%.
With words like Abdulmatallab, bomb, TSA and pentaerythritol tetranitrate all in one blog, I am sure that I am no longer able to fly within the U.S. borders, so let this serve as a warning to all of you who plan to travel in the near future. And to all of the terrorists who subscribe to or read my blog, let's not get any more creative with our bomb placements. I don't want the security lines at the airport to start looking like we're welcoming new inmates to Shawshank.
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